The first step to transformation.

Asking yourself what you want.

Seven years ago, if you’d asked me if I was happy, you would have received a resounding “yes.”  If you asked me if I was living the life I wanted, again, “yes.”  If you’d asked me if I lived with intention and purpose and whether I was the type of woman who went after what she wanted?  “Yes, yes, yes!”   This is where I started from, all.  I had a good life.  But you know what’s crazy?  There was an entire dimension of Amy-ness I didn’t even know existed.  I didn’t… even… know. 

I knew there was an ache for something, but I didn’t know what.  I knew it felt like there was a hole in my life, but I didn’t know why.  I knew I buffered with food and thought it simply a character flaw I couldn’t seem to overcome.  Always the optimist, I reassured myself I had a wonderful life and that I should be grateful.

Several years ago, I had a life-changing conversation.  “What do you want?” he asked simply.  The answer came easily, and I replied.  He paused.  “Well, I heard what your husband wants.  I heard what your kids want.  And I heard what you think I want.  But I didn’t hear what Amy wants.”  I was stunned.  Had I really not answered with what I wanted?  It took him pointing out he hadn’t heard a bit of Amy in my list of wants for me to realize… he was right.  My answer to what I wanted had been to list what everyone else in my world wanted.  “I want to know what Amy wants” he said.   I couldn’t remember anyone asking me that question where I felt they actually wanted to hear the answer.  Whoa.  Hard stop.  But you know what was a far bigger deal?  I couldn’t remember having asked myself that question.  And the result of never having asked myself the question was that I truly had little idea of an answer. What did Amy want? 

And so my journey of transformation began. 

"The most radical thing a woman can do is want."  -Kasia Urbaniak