Keys to Creating (Surviving?) Change
When we set out to achieve something new or break free from old habits, we often focus on the actions we’ll take. But behind every big change is something we naturally shy away from: sustained vulnerability and discomfort.
So how can we increase our tolerance for these feelings? Here are the tools that help me the most on my own journey of change:
1. Getting Clear on My Why
This is foundational. Getting clear on my why—and reminding myself of it often—anchors me in the purpose behind the discomfort. While I might momentarily want to retreat into my old ways of being, I’ve already decided those ways are no longer aligned with who I want to be. Revisiting my reason for change helps keep me grounded when things feel shaky, or when I’m feeling embarrassed, disappointed in myself, or overwhelmed.
2. Having Support
Support is crucial, but it’s not always simple. Sometimes the people around us unintentionally keep us tied to old habits. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with those who truly support your mission—whether it’s a trusted friend, coach, therapist, or a community group. Change can feel isolating, especially when it takes months or years. Having people who will sit with you or lift you up during moments of struggle helps keep you grounded and committed to the process.
3. Recognizing That Discomfort Is Part of the Process
When I feel anxious, overwhelmed, or exhausted by the effort, and I just want to slip back into my old ways, I remind myself that I am trying to change and that this is exactly what the hard part of change feels like. It’s easy to feel like there’s something wrong with you for struggling with these emotions, but I promise, they’re part of the journey toward real change.
4. Setting Realistic Expectations
Change requires bravery, and there will be times when you disappoint yourself and others. As Brené Brown says, “Do not think you can be brave with your life and your work and never disappoint anyone. It doesn't work that way.” By setting realistic expectations, I remind myself that setbacks and disappointments are inevitable, and accepting this as part of the process makes the journey more palatable.
5. Making Time for Rest and Integration
Rest is a necessary part of growth. Change can be exhausting. The discomfort, fear, anxiety, embarrassment, and overwhelm that can come with it drains your energy. So, where can you make time for rest? How can you add comfort to your life in ways that still support your goals? Where can you pause to let these new thoughts, feelings, and practices settle into your body, mind, and nervous system? Maybe it’s through exercise, getting into nature, sleeping longer, snuggling with a pet, journaling, or simply allowing yourself a good cry with a loved one; take actions that replenish your energy while staying aligned with your purpose.
The better you become at managing vulnerability and discomfort, the more powerfully you’ll transform your life. It’s not easy, but every time you choose growth over comfort, you're one step closer to becoming the person you want to be. You’ve got this.
With warmth,
Amy