Reclaim Your Choices

Have you ever noticed yourself thinking things like, “I have to…” or “I don’t have time for that”? This kind of language is so common, isn't it? But what if we took a moment to recognize that we're actually making a choice?

When I see a pile of dirty dishes, I’ve learned to avoid the thought, “I have to do the dishes.” Instead, I choose to do them. Let’s be honest: I could choose not to. That might mean running out of clean dishes, inviting bugs, or making the kids too embarrassed to have friends over, but it’s still a choice. I choose to do the dishes—not because I love it, but because I enjoy having a clean home that feels comfortable and inviting. This shift—from having to do something to choosing to do it—shapes my perspective and attitude. It feels like one of my super powers.

The other week, a friend told me she really wants to make plans with someone else, but she doesn’t have time. She explained how her calendar was full, even citing some of our plans as part of the reason she felt stretched. By the end of the conversation, I couldn’t help but feel like maybe our plans were adding to her stress, even though that wasn't her intention.

It got me thinking: what if she had framed it differently? What if she had said, “I really want to make plans with Samantha, but I’m choosing not to right now because I’ve prioritized other things”? It’s the same situation, but the message lands differently—for both her and me. When we say, “I don’t have time for that,” it’s easy to feel like a victim of circumstance. But when we reframe it to something like, “I’m choosing not to do that right now,” we take ownership of our choices. It’s empowering.

I recently faced a similar situation. I love to swing dance and have been wanting to go more often. After looking at my calendar, I realized that swing dancing wasn’t going to make the priority list for at least six weeks. Instead of telling myself I don’t have time, I thought, “I want to go dancing more, but it’s not a top priority right now. I’ll make sure to prioritize this more in the late fall and winter.” This approach keeps things in perspective and staves off frustration, blame, or a sense of victimization.

Here’s something to try: listen to the language you’re using with yourself and others. Are you framing things as obligations or as choices? How might your day-to-day feel different if you started recognizing more of your actions as intentional decisions?

With warmth,
Amy