Elur Nedlog: Rethinking the Golden Rule

The Golden Rule— "Treat others as you want to be treated"— is a classic principle, and for good reason. It’s a beautiful, simple guide for living with kindness and empathy. It can make us feel we’re controlling what we can control and acting in line with our own values regardless of how others behave. But sometimes, following this rule can lead us down a path we never intended.

Martha Beck, in her book The Way of Integrity, explains it this way:

“A lot of my clients try to follow the Golden Rule to a fault: they are continually accepting, even apologetic, toward people who treat them badly. ‘Well,’ they reason, ‘I’m treating others the way I want them to treat me.’ They’re violating the opposite of the Golden Rule (I call this the Elur Nedlog, which is Golden Rule spelled backward). This version says, ‘Never allow others to treat you in ways you would never treat someone else.’”

Whoa.

How might your life change if you applied a little more Elur Nedlog and a little less Golden Rule?

Being kind and empathetic is not the same as accepting poor treatment or lacking boundaries.

It makes me wonder— how do you choose to define kindness in your relationships?