Sharing Our Wins: Why It Matters

There’s a place for modesty and humility—I’m a long-time fan of both. I like others to feel comfortable, seen, heard, valued, appreciated, and recognized for who they are and what they contribute. I gravitate toward being warm and welcoming rather than trying to seem impressive or intimidating. But there’s something limiting about this approach.  Many people—particularly those socialized as women—have been taught to downplay their accomplishments, believing that if we seem too powerful, too intelligent, or too accomplished, we’ll make others feel small. So instead, we make ourselves small.

In the past few years, I’ve begun the work of letting go of this habit of shrinking myself for the comfort of others. I still care deeply about how people feel, but I no longer believe that downplaying my strengths is the answer.

A while back, I noticed how often I minimized my own wins, and I got curious. I asked some of my closest friends a simple question: how often, and with whom, do you share your moments of pride? Most of them stared at me blankly before admitting they rarely shared—not even with their partners or closest friends.

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that sharing what we’re proud of is boasting or that it might make others feel uncomfortable. But what does hiding our wins cost us? And what harmful beliefs does it reinforce?

We’re often expected to accomplish amazing things while acting like it took no effort at all. I want to normalize the fact that achievements take effort—and we have every reason to feel proud. When we brush off wins as “no big deal,” we diminish our hard work and teach others to do the same.

Something powerful happens when we share our wins. It gives us the chance to acknowledge our own efforts, and it allows others to connect with us more deeply, to truly know and support us. Sharing wins normalizes the idea that success takes work—no more training ourselves and others to believe the “Oh, it was nothing!” narrative. When done thoughtfully, sharing our wins is a gift—to ourselves and to others.

With this realization, I decided to take a different approach. I asked my friends to start sharing more of their accomplishments with me, whether big or small. And I made a commitment to share more of my own wins, too.

A few questions:
• What would change if you and your people shared more of your wins?
• When someone who’s generally humble shares a win with you, how do you respond? Do you acknowledge them in a way that makes them feel encouraged to share more? Or do you unintentionally brush it aside?

With warmth,
Amy

P.S. “Celebrate your wins. Self-celebrating allows us to absorb all the nutrients in our wins so we can go out and win again.” – Kasia Urbaniak